“I cannot imagine death”

I haven’t written a blog post for a while. I didn’t feel that I had anything new to say about my situation. Life continues as normal. Like most people I follow a routine and one day, one week blends into the next. 

Today however, I heard the news that a young woman – a wife, mother and presenter of the BBC podcast “You, Me and the Big C” was receiving end-of-life care since treatment for the cancer she has had for the last 6 years is no longer an option. 

“All I want is more life” she said. Understandable since she has children who need her. Her situation and that of thousands of others got me thinking. All of us know that life is limited.

We are given a certain life span but we don’t know how long this is. Some make better use of their time than others. Not always my strength. Some try to pack in as much as possible. Again, not a characteristic of mine. 

Even living with an incurable disease, there are many days when I cannot imagine death.  I just get on with my unexciting but happy routine. This may change but I hope not since it keeps me calm and grounded.

What makes life precious

Seeing Springtime in all its glory. Watching a robin hopping in the garden. Listening to a blackbird singing on the rooftop. Chatting with grandchildren and their parents, hearing their news and making my husband smile every day even when annoyed.

All these things make life precious so that yes indeed, we do “want more life”.

I choose to believe that in death “life is changed not ended”. That we remain closely connected to those we love. I pray that my belief stays strong. Four years have passed since diagnosis and I am still learning to live in the moment and not measure myself against anyone else.  

“Lord, for tomorrow and its needs I do not pray. Keep me, my God from stain of sin just for today.”

Abundant blessings

Pauline