Category: Cancer

It’s good to reflect on the positives

It’s a while since I’ve written a blog post. I felt I didn’t have anything new or interesting to share, but having had both a brain and body scan recently I changed my mind.

The brain scan was my 22nd and my body scan in the teens. I’m certainly keeping radiology busy. I just found out that the results showed everything is stable. So, the medication is definitely working for which I am most grateful.

Once again I am enjoying the Spring in all its blossoming beauty – though it’s a pity it’s not a little warmer.  Five years ago I was advised that the cancer was manageable but could not be eradicated. 

Since then my youngest grandchild has grown from a baby to a school boy, three have moved to secondary school, one to 6th form and hopefully I can share with my oldest grandchild as he receives his degree this summer.

I didn’t always see these events as possibilities. I am truly thankful and grateful for all the prayers and good wishes from many people. 

May you all enjoy a wonderful spring and summer.

Pauline

“I cannot imagine death”

I haven’t written a blog post for a while. I didn’t feel that I had anything new to say about my situation. Life continues as normal. Like most people I follow a routine and one day, one week blends into the next. 

Today however, I heard the news that a young woman – a wife, mother and presenter of the BBC podcast “You, Me and the Big C” was receiving end-of-life care since treatment for the cancer she has had for the last 6 years is no longer an option. 

“All I want is more life” she said. Understandable since she has children who need her. Her situation and that of thousands of others got me thinking. All of us know that life is limited.

We are given a certain life span but we don’t know how long this is. Some make better use of their time than others. Not always my strength. Some try to pack in as much as possible. Again, not a characteristic of mine. 

Even living with an incurable disease, there are many days when I cannot imagine death.  I just get on with my unexciting but happy routine. This may change but I hope not since it keeps me calm and grounded.

What makes life precious

Seeing Springtime in all its glory. Watching a robin hopping in the garden. Listening to a blackbird singing on the rooftop. Chatting with grandchildren and their parents, hearing their news and making my husband smile every day even when annoyed.

All these things make life precious so that yes indeed, we do “want more life”.

I choose to believe that in death “life is changed not ended”. That we remain closely connected to those we love. I pray that my belief stays strong. Four years have passed since diagnosis and I am still learning to live in the moment and not measure myself against anyone else.  

“Lord, for tomorrow and its needs I do not pray. Keep me, my God from stain of sin just for today.”

Abundant blessings

Pauline

On the third day of Christmas

On the third day of Christmas 🎄 I am sending seasonal greetings to all readers in the hope that you are enjoying a happy holiday with loved ones.

I wish also to share my good news with you. My recent brain and body scans show that the cancer, wherever it might be, is stable. Immunotherapy continues as treatment with a brain scan again in 3 months and body scan in 6 months, unless I notice that there are changes.

So watch out 2022. Here I come!  Hopefully, we’ll have Covid on the run again soon and can look forward to a pleasant spring and warm summer.

Thank you so much for prayers and good wishes. 

May you enjoy many blessings!
Pauline 

Stable Mabel again

While there is much talk in the news of long hospital waiting times because of the effects of the pandemic, I am very fortunate to say I have not been affected. Possibly because I am already in the system. 

I recently had another head MRI to check for metastasis in my brain. My 16th+ I think but I have lost count. I am so pleased to say thankfully that it was clear. Stable Mabel again!

I found it more difficult this time

I am truly grateful, but I found it more difficult this time to go and deal with the scan and to remain positive. I felt not only fatigued but emotionally low. 

Luckily my family bolster me and keep me grounded. They challenge my negativity with humour, common sense and love and turn it into positivity and hope. They find the right balance in their listening and speaking.

I am reminded in a good way that many suffer. It is a part of being human. But if we are lovingly supported, it is possible to manage the most difficult experiences.

“Do not fear”

Today while reading I came across a Bible quotation from the Old Testament: “And my spirit continues in your midst; do not fear!” Though written thousands of years ago, God speaks these same words to us today. 

Whatever we may be exhausted from, whatever we may be overwhelmed by, God is with us. God is for us. With faith we need not be afraid.

Hopefully, I will remember this in 2 months time when my next scans are due. 

Be strong and be well! 
Pauline

Gold standard care

As we edge towards the longest day of the year and are at last enjoying some sunny, warmer days, I have once again been given some good news by my consultant. 

Three weeks ago I had an MRI brain scan and full body CT scan and was given the results this week. CT shows no changes. I have once again been declared stable. MRI scan shows scarring from previous treatment but other changes too small to be assessed just yet.

However, a small infarct has been noted on the scan which means that at some point I have had a small stroke so my medication has to be tweaked.

But no radiotherapy needed at this stage and my next scan is in 3 months. The summer and watching Wimbledon and the Olympics lie before me! 

I am most thankful and feel blessed. The care I am receiving is wonderful – gold standard! 

Thank you for your prayers and kind thoughts. May you too enjoy summer. 


Pauline

“My family and friends have carried me, scolded me, loved me through some difficult times”

Today is a beautiful day with blue skies and sunshine. People are busy in their gardens where spring flowers are in bloom and birds are chirruping in anticipation of warmer weather.

Three years ago this was not the case. It was cold with a snowfall deep enough to stop traffic. Some hospital staff had to walk to work because of snow blocked roads.

And three years ago I was dealt what I felt was a crushing hammer blow! After displaying some seizures I was diagnosed as having secondary breast cancer with mets in my brain, my abdomen and my bones. I was told that I would be kept as well as possible for as long as possible.

I really believed I had been given a death sentence and could not see very far into the future. My world went black. I had been in such a dark place before when my young son died in a tragic accident.

However, hope, positivity and zest for life came from my beautiful family and friends like a dam bursting. As had happened before. Once again they picked me up and supported me. Life took on some colour again. Over the last three years they have encouraged me, carried me, scolded me and loved me through some difficult times.  

They have researched the disease looking for the optimum treatments and made sure I was receiving them. They have contacted the medics responsible for my care to ensure that all relevant information about me was being considered.

I have never once felt alone even in the darkest times. I have been reminded frequently that there are many others in a far more difficult position than me, ensuring that I didn’t wallow in self pity.

I have felt carried by the many prayers offered for my well being. Recently, I had the results of another two MRI scans, one on my spine and one on my brain. The former showed wear and tear on my spine but no cancer. And the latter, evidence of lesions treated but no new ones. 

I don’t know for how much longer I will keep well, but I do know that everything possible is being done to keep me well. I am trying to live in the moment, easier sometimes than others.

My heart is filled with love and gratitude as I look forward to another spring.

Thank you.

Pauline

May you enjoy a happy Christmas

What a strange and difficult year 2020 has been for everyone the whole world over. 

It seems to take a pandemic to shake us into shape and bring all that goodness and kindness within people to the surface. There has been much love in action. But then, love is always there in abundance; we just don’t see it. I hope you are all coping with the situation and finding any support you might need.  

I haven’t posted any news since October. I felt it wasn’t appropriate in current circumstances. However, I decided to share positive news amidst all the gloom. 

In the weeks since I posted, I have had stereotactic surgery for a brain met, which was successful, two scans – an MRI on my spine and a CT of thorax, abdomen and trunk. 

I am very pleased to say both were clear of cancer. Only the initial lesions on my bones are visible so I am described as stable. I feel most fortunate.

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Thank you for your positive thoughts and prayers. May you enjoy a happy Christmas 🎄 even though you’re not with all those you had hoped. 

Let us pray for a 2021 full of hope and good health. 

Pauline

The cancer in my brain has made another appearance

The last time I wrote a blog post we as a country were coming out of lockdown. Unfortunately, as I write this we are once more going into lots of local restrictions as the virus insidiously starts to appear again.

As though mirroring the virus, the cancer in my brain has also made another appearance. My consultant today told me of a new but very small lesion on the cerebellum. It can be treated with stereotactic surgery and so I have agreed to go ahead with this once again. 

It will happen quite soon so the growth can be nipped in the bud so to speak. I know I am lucky to live where I do because of the treatment options locally, but I feel each time I have to dig a little deeper to find some energy and resolve.

I am also having an MRI scan on my spine to ensure that nothing else sinister is going on – I have had more pain of late. On the positive side the consultant thinks it will show no sign of cancer. He’s just double checking.

Once again the NHS is coming to my rescue. 

I need your prayers

As my eldest grandchild left home today to begin university, I wondered how many more times I would see him. I don’t like thinking this way. It’s morbid. I just need your prayers and the gifts of the Spirit to keep me buoyant and to remind me of how lucky I am.  

Ruth, also thinking about her son going off to university, shared a poem by Kahlil Gibran that we used as part of our son’s funeral service. She didn’t know we had used it. She was only four at the time and yet today it helped her understand a life lesson and reminded me of it.

On children

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.


You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.


You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness,
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.

Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet


“So he also loves the bow that is stable.” I need to remember this and believe it. 

Pray that we may all be grounded in and by God’s love. 

Blessings to you. 


Pauline

Wonderful news in the midst of uncertainty

It has been many weeks since I last blogged and much has happened to the world and its people in that time in terms of sadness, courage and self sacrifice.

We are all reeling from the effects of Covid 19 on lives and economies both personally and nationally.  I hope you are all safe and well as we emerge from lockdown.

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Thankfully my treatment for cancer has continued throughout with scans, stereotactic surgery, telephone consultations and injections.  I can only praise my oncology team and the NHS.

Today I was told by my consultant  that my scans show no change from the last, taken 7 months ago,  which came as wonderful positive news.

The stereotactic surgery was minimal, comparatively speaking, dealing with 1 met in my brain that had regrown.

This all means that I can relax for a while in the knowledge that the experts are on top of the disease.

With a bit of luck, the sun will shine again and I will be able to make the most of the summer.

“Let me sing of the Lord! He has been good to me!”

I am grateful for your prayers and positive thoughts, and the brilliant NHS which continues to care for me.

Pauline

Cancer during coronavirus

Hello once again

In my last blog post I wrote that ‘no one is immune to suffering’ and coronavirus (Covid 19), which is now rampaging across the globe, brings this fact into stark reality.

Most of humankind is doing what they can to limit its path of destruction from China to the Americas.  At the forefront of this battle are wondrous medics and carers, many of whom have already given their lives to help the sick.

During this catastrophe, other medics are still working saving the lives of others from the diseases and illnesses we perhaps know more about. No working from home for them. In fact it’s business as usual.

Brain scan results

Yesterday I received the results of my last brain scan which were disappointing. The suspected brain met has grown from 4 to 7mm and another has been seen in another area of my brain. Both need treatment.

The good news is that I am once again deemed suitable for stereotactic surgery and I’m to expect a phone call to organise this in the near future.

Even amid the urgency present in our health care system, I am being given life saving treatment and another chance. I marvel at our NHS and am grateful for it.

Let us thank, pray for, and wish well all those who serve the sick and comfort the dying and do so with a grateful heart.

Best wishes for a happy Easter.

Pauline