Category: Cancer

You’ll never walk alone

I was reminded this morning that it was 2 years ago since I was diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer.

If I’m honest I did not then expect to be here 2 years on. I was full of foreboding and negative fears. In truth I had no real understanding of the disease. I’m still unaware of many aspects of it and place my trust in the professionals.

Some might say this is unwise but it’s how I cope with the situation. It isn’t that I’m burying my head in the sand. I just deal with as much as I can and carry on as normal. Yesterday I made marmalade, which didn’t set, so today I have to boil it up again!
It’s such mundane tasks that stop me speculating about what the future holds.

No one is immune from suffering

In 2 weeks I have a brain MRI scan again to check on any cancer growth. Like many others in a similar situation I get nervous 😟 as the time approaches. The rational part of me says it has to be done and just get on with it. Face whatever has to be faced.

I find thinking of others in worse situations helps, and remind myself of their courage. The recent video of the father in Syria teaching his little daughter to laugh when a bomb is dropped is just one example.

No one is immune from suffering. Some deal with it better than others. We need to remember to be there for one another when necessary.

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Xav’s 18th birthday. My first grandchild

We need to adopt Liverpool FC’s anthem. “You’ll never walk alone!” I have my family, my friends and my faith. I hope that others are as well supported.

Look out today for someone who needs a friend or listening ear. Be there for them.

Pauline

Live in the moment

Another new year has begun, another decade unfolds and these happenings demand a thank you from me.

Before Christmas I had another brain MRI scan to make doubly sure that all was well. I was assured that whatever was there was nothing to be alarmed about and I was scheduled for a further scan in 3 months time as a normal part of my treatment plan.

So another season of celebration and thanks has come and gone. The Lord’s plan for me continues and I am trying to make each day count. The future lays hidden but that’s not a bad thing.  May you all enjoy and live in each moment.

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Thank you for your continued prayers and good wishes. A happy and healthy new year to you all.

Pauline

Season of mists and mellow fruitfulness

At a similar time last year, I was making blackcurrant jam and I asked myself the question, ‘Will I be making this next summer?’

My sister said firmly she would save me some jars and indeed I needed them since I did manage to make some.

As we move forward into autumn, though tired, I am pleased to say I feel okay. The monthly injections and blood tests at the hospital continue. But since I am judged to be stable, I’m now attending a nurse/pharmacist-led clinic with a doctor in the wings if necessary. I do feel lucky and blessed.

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I’m learning to live with cancer a little better each day.  I’ve joined a Pilates class for the first time ever and am feeling parts of my body I had forgotten about because of lack of use!

I’m a professional coffee drinker at many cafes and restaurants in the area and I’m becoming addicted to technology as I investigate the myriad of games available. Ironing is very neglected!

I’ve enjoyed family events and holidays throughout the summer and realise how lucky I am.  God has certainly blessed me in countless ways. I hope that having this disease has taught me more about generosity of spirit and caring for people.  I’ve been shown so much love and care by my family and friends since diagnosis.

And so I say thanks to you all for your prayers as a Mass is offered for your intentions and for those whom you love. May autumn be a ‘season of mists and mellow fruitfulness’ for you.

Pauline

40 love and hope

6.15pm on the second Friday of Wimbledon.

The men’s singles semi finals, Nadal v Federer, is on TV which I was watching with enthusiasm.

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The phone rang and resentfully I answered. Who could be disturbing my viewing of such a fabulous match?

To my great surprise it was my wonderful oncologist still busy on a Friday night.

I did tell him that an historic match was on TV. He said he had two screens open, one showing my recent body scan results and one with the match on.

He had good news for me once again and wanted to share it so that I would have a worry free weekend.

The scans showed no change compared with the ones taken in March which were clear, or as the hospital prefer to say, stable.

So once again I am Stable Mabel. 16 months after diagnosis I am doing okay.

When I feel down about having to take medication every day which tires me, I must and will remember to be grateful that it is working.

For how long I don’t know, but since I am trying to live a day at a time, I shouldn’t let this worry me.

This way of thinking isn’t always easy, but I’ll keep trying to live in the moment. And keep watching wonderful tennis played by superb athletes!

Once again, thank you for all the prayers and positive vibes.

I am indebted to you all.

Pauline

 

Renewed hope and the Holy Spirit

“They were all filled with the Holy Spirit…”

Today is a day of celebration for Christians since it is Pentecost Sunday, the birthday of the Church.

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The earliest Christians were inspired and filled with courage and determination by the Holy Spirit. They looked to the future with hope and confidence.

News of my last MRI scan came on Thursday and filled me with renewed hope.

My oncologist phoned to tell me that all was clear in my brain. Thankfully, nothing new was visible and treated brain mets were slowly decaying.

The cancer in the body is being kept under control by medication so I do indeed have much to give thanks for.

The Holy Spirit is working through the doctors to keep me well.

As I look forward to the rest of the summer I thank all those who continue to pray for me and wish me well.

I do believe prayer 🙏 is helping me and I am grateful for it.

Thank you.

Pauline

Positive news on a beautiful day

It’s a beautiful Spring day! Yesterday was a good news day for me and my family.

A reading from the Mass stated: “do not forget the things which your own eyes have seen, nor let them slip from your memory as long as you live” – things which reflect the infinite love of God.

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For me, these came in abundance on 27 March in the form of excellent news on the job front for two of my daughters, a candle lit for me in another European cathedral by someone I have never met, and positive results from scans taken 2 weeks ago.

CT scan of thorax and abdomen show no disease seen and no changes. Just evidence of stable bony disease. MRI scan also positive but with a hint of caution about a tiny area in left temporal lobe too small to be evaluated.

Suggest another scan in 10 weeks to be safe. All treated lesions are no longer visible. Naomi describes me as: “Stable Mabel,” which is good news. Medication is working well for me.

The tiredness I can cope with. I don’t mind cutting down on the housework. Any excuse to sit and read or play word games!

I hope I’m learning something from this stage in my life. I know that I’m loved, which is a precious thing. I hope that I return this love not only in my thoughts but also in my actions. I’m most grateful for the care I’m being given by NHS staff in every role.

May Easter be a hope-filled time for us all. May we also be beacons of goodness and generosity in a world where many people live without hope or are suffering.

Our love and generosity is repaid a thousand times, often without us realising it.

Thank you all 🙏

A year since I was diagnosed

A year ago today, 27 February 2018, in A&E I was told I had brain tumours and that they were secondaries.

As my first blog post said I didn’t want to speak about it. This was partly a result of shock but also my non acceptance of the situation.

12 months have passed. 4 full body scans, 4 brain scans, 2 lots of brain radiotherapy, 11 abdominal injections and 11 months of oral chemotherapy and I am still struggling to completely accept that I have incurable cancer.

Today even at my appointment I asked why it was incurable though I knew the answer. I was hoping for a contradiction.

I should be thankful that a year has passed and I have been able to carry on as normal. I keep reminding myself that there are hundreds of thousands of people who live with other incurable illnesses including family members, but they don’t wallow in their situation. They adapt to it and get on with life.

I have been saying the Serenity Prayer repeatedly to remind myself that acceptance together with courage and determination are the better part.

Once again I thank you all for your healing prayers and thoughts.  They will I am sure keep me strong and resolute. Here’s to another positive year!

Pauline

May hope lighten any darkness in 2019

My eldest daughter, Ruth, has just shared a message with family speaking of hope.

She shared the following quotation: “Hope is being able to see that there is light in spite of all the darkness”.

In the Christmas readings from Isaiah we hear that “a light has come”.

I have just re-read the blog post I wrote on 7 March entitled ‘Green Day‘ in which I described how green became my dead son’s favourite colour at Christmas 1975.

A good friend spoke of him only last week as she brought flowers for his grave, something she has done every year at Christmas since he died more than 40 years ago.

She recalled what a great story teller he was even at 6 years old. We all remember the rat that ran across the garden dressed in a green coat! Such memories and loving actions are what provide the light in difficult times and fill us with hope. And there have been many such.

Since the beginning of March when I was diagnosed with secondary breast cancer and plunged into darkness,  many lights have shone in my direction and that of my family to give us direction and support.

Prayers have been offered for me at shrines and holy places all around Europe and Great Britain. These have motivated, comforted and strengthened not only me but also my family.

That hope, gifted to us by the coming of the Christ Child, is there for us all. I really did not think I would see another Christmas last Spring. I could ask whether I will see another but I will not. I will try to live in hope and grateful thanks each day.

May you all enjoy a happy and healthy New Year with your families and friends and feel as blessed as I do. May hope lighten any darkness that falls in 2019.

A happy and hope-filled New Year to you!

Better than I dared to dream

In today’s mass reading taken from Isaiah it says: “the Lord is the one in whom we hoped.” For me that has indeed been true over these last few months.

I hoped and prayed that the Lord would work healing through the professionals who’ve been treating me.

Today I saw the oncologist who had the results of my recent scans. They were better than I had dared to dream.

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The body scan states that what disease was there has now gone and nothing new has appeared. The conclusion is the only remaining disease is in the bones. This has always been described as ‘insignificant’.

The brain scan states there is further evidence of treatment response and no apparent new lesions.

I can’t quite believe it and it may take a while to absorb this good news. Treatment continues with daily oral chemotherapy and an injection monthly but I’m coping well with the regime and its side effects.

Thank you for your prayers and good wishes. I do appreciate how much these have helped me.  I hope you all enjoy a hope filled Christmas with your loved ones.

Blessings to you all and a happy Christmas.

Pauline

Rooted and grounded in love

It’s been a while since I posted but thankfully life has been been rather mundane and normal lately.

I’m managing treatments quite well and will have a three monthly CT scan late November and an MRI brain scan early December. I feel well, just tired some days but I’m not grumbling.

I was spurred on to post today by something that moved me as I was reading and meditating.

This quotation from Paul’s letter to the Ephesians really struck a chord.

“That you, rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, so that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.”  Eph 3

Being diagnosed with an incurable illness is in many ways like dealing with grief of the death of a loved one.

We go through similar stages as in grief – disbelief, shock, anger, denial, resentment until finally we accept and, though sad, we find peace.

Because we are grounded and rooted in love. Not only in the love of Christ, but also that of our family and friends, we find strength and peace to deal with the difficult situation.

God is always with us protecting, supporting, guarding and guiding.

So next time we meet and I seem morose and full of self pity, give me a nudge in the direction of this quotation.