Category: Treatment

It’s good to reflect on the positives

It’s a while since I’ve written a blog post. I felt I didn’t have anything new or interesting to share, but having had both a brain and body scan recently I changed my mind.

The brain scan was my 22nd and my body scan in the teens. I’m certainly keeping radiology busy. I just found out that the results showed everything is stable. So, the medication is definitely working for which I am most grateful.

Once again I am enjoying the Spring in all its blossoming beauty – though it’s a pity it’s not a little warmer.  Five years ago I was advised that the cancer was manageable but could not be eradicated. 

Since then my youngest grandchild has grown from a baby to a school boy, three have moved to secondary school, one to 6th form and hopefully I can share with my oldest grandchild as he receives his degree this summer.

I didn’t always see these events as possibilities. I am truly thankful and grateful for all the prayers and good wishes from many people. 

May you all enjoy a wonderful spring and summer.

Pauline

“My family and friends have carried me, scolded me, loved me through some difficult times”

Today is a beautiful day with blue skies and sunshine. People are busy in their gardens where spring flowers are in bloom and birds are chirruping in anticipation of warmer weather.

Three years ago this was not the case. It was cold with a snowfall deep enough to stop traffic. Some hospital staff had to walk to work because of snow blocked roads.

And three years ago I was dealt what I felt was a crushing hammer blow! After displaying some seizures I was diagnosed as having secondary breast cancer with mets in my brain, my abdomen and my bones. I was told that I would be kept as well as possible for as long as possible.

I really believed I had been given a death sentence and could not see very far into the future. My world went black. I had been in such a dark place before when my young son died in a tragic accident.

However, hope, positivity and zest for life came from my beautiful family and friends like a dam bursting. As had happened before. Once again they picked me up and supported me. Life took on some colour again. Over the last three years they have encouraged me, carried me, scolded me and loved me through some difficult times.  

They have researched the disease looking for the optimum treatments and made sure I was receiving them. They have contacted the medics responsible for my care to ensure that all relevant information about me was being considered.

I have never once felt alone even in the darkest times. I have been reminded frequently that there are many others in a far more difficult position than me, ensuring that I didn’t wallow in self pity.

I have felt carried by the many prayers offered for my well being. Recently, I had the results of another two MRI scans, one on my spine and one on my brain. The former showed wear and tear on my spine but no cancer. And the latter, evidence of lesions treated but no new ones. 

I don’t know for how much longer I will keep well, but I do know that everything possible is being done to keep me well. I am trying to live in the moment, easier sometimes than others.

My heart is filled with love and gratitude as I look forward to another spring.

Thank you.

Pauline

The cancer in my brain has made another appearance

The last time I wrote a blog post we as a country were coming out of lockdown. Unfortunately, as I write this we are once more going into lots of local restrictions as the virus insidiously starts to appear again.

As though mirroring the virus, the cancer in my brain has also made another appearance. My consultant today told me of a new but very small lesion on the cerebellum. It can be treated with stereotactic surgery and so I have agreed to go ahead with this once again. 

It will happen quite soon so the growth can be nipped in the bud so to speak. I know I am lucky to live where I do because of the treatment options locally, but I feel each time I have to dig a little deeper to find some energy and resolve.

I am also having an MRI scan on my spine to ensure that nothing else sinister is going on – I have had more pain of late. On the positive side the consultant thinks it will show no sign of cancer. He’s just double checking.

Once again the NHS is coming to my rescue. 

I need your prayers

As my eldest grandchild left home today to begin university, I wondered how many more times I would see him. I don’t like thinking this way. It’s morbid. I just need your prayers and the gifts of the Spirit to keep me buoyant and to remind me of how lucky I am.  

Ruth, also thinking about her son going off to university, shared a poem by Kahlil Gibran that we used as part of our son’s funeral service. She didn’t know we had used it. She was only four at the time and yet today it helped her understand a life lesson and reminded me of it.

On children

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.


You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.


You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness,
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.

Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet


“So he also loves the bow that is stable.” I need to remember this and believe it. 

Pray that we may all be grounded in and by God’s love. 

Blessings to you. 


Pauline

Wonderful news in the midst of uncertainty

It has been many weeks since I last blogged and much has happened to the world and its people in that time in terms of sadness, courage and self sacrifice.

We are all reeling from the effects of Covid 19 on lives and economies both personally and nationally.  I hope you are all safe and well as we emerge from lockdown.

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Thankfully my treatment for cancer has continued throughout with scans, stereotactic surgery, telephone consultations and injections.  I can only praise my oncology team and the NHS.

Today I was told by my consultant  that my scans show no change from the last, taken 7 months ago,  which came as wonderful positive news.

The stereotactic surgery was minimal, comparatively speaking, dealing with 1 met in my brain that had regrown.

This all means that I can relax for a while in the knowledge that the experts are on top of the disease.

With a bit of luck, the sun will shine again and I will be able to make the most of the summer.

“Let me sing of the Lord! He has been good to me!”

I am grateful for your prayers and positive thoughts, and the brilliant NHS which continues to care for me.

Pauline

Cancer during coronavirus

Hello once again

In my last blog post I wrote that ‘no one is immune to suffering’ and coronavirus (Covid 19), which is now rampaging across the globe, brings this fact into stark reality.

Most of humankind is doing what they can to limit its path of destruction from China to the Americas.  At the forefront of this battle are wondrous medics and carers, many of whom have already given their lives to help the sick.

During this catastrophe, other medics are still working saving the lives of others from the diseases and illnesses we perhaps know more about. No working from home for them. In fact it’s business as usual.

Brain scan results

Yesterday I received the results of my last brain scan which were disappointing. The suspected brain met has grown from 4 to 7mm and another has been seen in another area of my brain. Both need treatment.

The good news is that I am once again deemed suitable for stereotactic surgery and I’m to expect a phone call to organise this in the near future.

Even amid the urgency present in our health care system, I am being given life saving treatment and another chance. I marvel at our NHS and am grateful for it.

Let us thank, pray for, and wish well all those who serve the sick and comfort the dying and do so with a grateful heart.

Best wishes for a happy Easter.

Pauline

Live in the moment

Another new year has begun, another decade unfolds and these happenings demand a thank you from me.

Before Christmas I had another brain MRI scan to make doubly sure that all was well. I was assured that whatever was there was nothing to be alarmed about and I was scheduled for a further scan in 3 months time as a normal part of my treatment plan.

So another season of celebration and thanks has come and gone. The Lord’s plan for me continues and I am trying to make each day count. The future lays hidden but that’s not a bad thing.  May you all enjoy and live in each moment.

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Thank you for your continued prayers and good wishes. A happy and healthy new year to you all.

Pauline

I’ve been in scan world

We’ve left summer behind and are now well into autumn, in fact almost at the beginning of winter.

I’ve celebrated a second birthday since diagnosis, something I had not expected really, because of my misconceptions about cancer and treatment.

I must acknowledge publicly how well I have been looked after by the local NHS, especially in light of the interview with a woman which is trending on Facebook. She was also diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer but was without hope.

Someone I saw again recently was surprised when I said I had cancer, which can be controlled for now but not eliminated, and he said “You look well”. Fortunately I feel well apart from mobility issues. Max and I have taken up Pilates led by my brilliant physio, which is a sight to behold.

I have been in scan world again. My body scan was once again described as stable. No changes noticed on scans. A real bonus!

However the brain scan wasn’t as clear. Something indefinable was showing which could be nothing and so the neurologist and my consultant agreed that another scan might be the sensible way to go in a few weeks time. So another scan at the beginning of December.  No expense spared even for a 76 year old pensioner. And for this and lots of other things over the last 21 months, I am extremely grateful.

Please continue to pray for me but also for others who are suffering far more and are much younger. I am blessed with a loving family and many friends.

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Many face uncertainty on their own. Many are without hope. Let us remember them.  Blessings to you all.

I will let you know the findings.

Pauline

40 love and hope

6.15pm on the second Friday of Wimbledon.

The men’s singles semi finals, Nadal v Federer, is on TV which I was watching with enthusiasm.

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The phone rang and resentfully I answered. Who could be disturbing my viewing of such a fabulous match?

To my great surprise it was my wonderful oncologist still busy on a Friday night.

I did tell him that an historic match was on TV. He said he had two screens open, one showing my recent body scan results and one with the match on.

He had good news for me once again and wanted to share it so that I would have a worry free weekend.

The scans showed no change compared with the ones taken in March which were clear, or as the hospital prefer to say, stable.

So once again I am Stable Mabel. 16 months after diagnosis I am doing okay.

When I feel down about having to take medication every day which tires me, I must and will remember to be grateful that it is working.

For how long I don’t know, but since I am trying to live a day at a time, I shouldn’t let this worry me.

This way of thinking isn’t always easy, but I’ll keep trying to live in the moment. And keep watching wonderful tennis played by superb athletes!

Once again, thank you for all the prayers and positive vibes.

I am indebted to you all.

Pauline

 

Renewed hope and the Holy Spirit

“They were all filled with the Holy Spirit…”

Today is a day of celebration for Christians since it is Pentecost Sunday, the birthday of the Church.

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The earliest Christians were inspired and filled with courage and determination by the Holy Spirit. They looked to the future with hope and confidence.

News of my last MRI scan came on Thursday and filled me with renewed hope.

My oncologist phoned to tell me that all was clear in my brain. Thankfully, nothing new was visible and treated brain mets were slowly decaying.

The cancer in the body is being kept under control by medication so I do indeed have much to give thanks for.

The Holy Spirit is working through the doctors to keep me well.

As I look forward to the rest of the summer I thank all those who continue to pray for me and wish me well.

I do believe prayer 🙏 is helping me and I am grateful for it.

Thank you.

Pauline

A year since I was diagnosed

A year ago today, 27 February 2018, in A&E I was told I had brain tumours and that they were secondaries.

As my first blog post said I didn’t want to speak about it. This was partly a result of shock but also my non acceptance of the situation.

12 months have passed. 4 full body scans, 4 brain scans, 2 lots of brain radiotherapy, 11 abdominal injections and 11 months of oral chemotherapy and I am still struggling to completely accept that I have incurable cancer.

Today even at my appointment I asked why it was incurable though I knew the answer. I was hoping for a contradiction.

I should be thankful that a year has passed and I have been able to carry on as normal. I keep reminding myself that there are hundreds of thousands of people who live with other incurable illnesses including family members, but they don’t wallow in their situation. They adapt to it and get on with life.

I have been saying the Serenity Prayer repeatedly to remind myself that acceptance together with courage and determination are the better part.

Once again I thank you all for your healing prayers and thoughts.  They will I am sure keep me strong and resolute. Here’s to another positive year!

Pauline