Cancer during coronavirus

Hello once again

In my last blog post I wrote that ‘no one is immune to suffering’ and coronavirus (Covid 19), which is now rampaging across the globe, brings this fact into stark reality.

Most of humankind is doing what they can to limit its path of destruction from China to the Americas.  At the forefront of this battle are wondrous medics and carers, many of whom have already given their lives to help the sick.

During this catastrophe, other medics are still working saving the lives of others from the diseases and illnesses we perhaps know more about. No working from home for them. In fact it’s business as usual.

Brain scan results

Yesterday I received the results of my last brain scan which were disappointing. The suspected brain met has grown from 4 to 7mm and another has been seen in another area of my brain. Both need treatment.

The good news is that I am once again deemed suitable for stereotactic surgery and I’m to expect a phone call to organise this in the near future.

Even amid the urgency present in our health care system, I am being given life saving treatment and another chance. I marvel at our NHS and am grateful for it.

Let us thank, pray for, and wish well all those who serve the sick and comfort the dying and do so with a grateful heart.

Best wishes for a happy Easter.

Pauline

You’ll never walk alone

I was reminded this morning that it was 2 years ago since I was diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer.

If I’m honest I did not then expect to be here 2 years on. I was full of foreboding and negative fears. In truth I had no real understanding of the disease. I’m still unaware of many aspects of it and place my trust in the professionals.

Some might say this is unwise but it’s how I cope with the situation. It isn’t that I’m burying my head in the sand. I just deal with as much as I can and carry on as normal. Yesterday I made marmalade, which didn’t set, so today I have to boil it up again!
It’s such mundane tasks that stop me speculating about what the future holds.

No one is immune from suffering

In 2 weeks I have a brain MRI scan again to check on any cancer growth. Like many others in a similar situation I get nervous 😟 as the time approaches. The rational part of me says it has to be done and just get on with it. Face whatever has to be faced.

I find thinking of others in worse situations helps, and remind myself of their courage. The recent video of the father in Syria teaching his little daughter to laugh when a bomb is dropped is just one example.

No one is immune from suffering. Some deal with it better than others. We need to remember to be there for one another when necessary.

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Xav’s 18th birthday. My first grandchild

We need to adopt Liverpool FC’s anthem. “You’ll never walk alone!” I have my family, my friends and my faith. I hope that others are as well supported.

Look out today for someone who needs a friend or listening ear. Be there for them.

Pauline

Live in the moment

Another new year has begun, another decade unfolds and these happenings demand a thank you from me.

Before Christmas I had another brain MRI scan to make doubly sure that all was well. I was assured that whatever was there was nothing to be alarmed about and I was scheduled for a further scan in 3 months time as a normal part of my treatment plan.

So another season of celebration and thanks has come and gone. The Lord’s plan for me continues and I am trying to make each day count. The future lays hidden but that’s not a bad thing.  May you all enjoy and live in each moment.

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Thank you for your continued prayers and good wishes. A happy and healthy new year to you all.

Pauline

I’ve been in scan world

We’ve left summer behind and are now well into autumn, in fact almost at the beginning of winter.

I’ve celebrated a second birthday since diagnosis, something I had not expected really, because of my misconceptions about cancer and treatment.

I must acknowledge publicly how well I have been looked after by the local NHS, especially in light of the interview with a woman which is trending on Facebook. She was also diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer but was without hope.

Someone I saw again recently was surprised when I said I had cancer, which can be controlled for now but not eliminated, and he said “You look well”. Fortunately I feel well apart from mobility issues. Max and I have taken up Pilates led by my brilliant physio, which is a sight to behold.

I have been in scan world again. My body scan was once again described as stable. No changes noticed on scans. A real bonus!

However the brain scan wasn’t as clear. Something indefinable was showing which could be nothing and so the neurologist and my consultant agreed that another scan might be the sensible way to go in a few weeks time. So another scan at the beginning of December.  No expense spared even for a 76 year old pensioner. And for this and lots of other things over the last 21 months, I am extremely grateful.

Please continue to pray for me but also for others who are suffering far more and are much younger. I am blessed with a loving family and many friends.

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Many face uncertainty on their own. Many are without hope. Let us remember them.  Blessings to you all.

I will let you know the findings.

Pauline

Season of mists and mellow fruitfulness

At a similar time last year, I was making blackcurrant jam and I asked myself the question, ‘Will I be making this next summer?’

My sister said firmly she would save me some jars and indeed I needed them since I did manage to make some.

As we move forward into autumn, though tired, I am pleased to say I feel okay. The monthly injections and blood tests at the hospital continue. But since I am judged to be stable, I’m now attending a nurse/pharmacist-led clinic with a doctor in the wings if necessary. I do feel lucky and blessed.

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I’m learning to live with cancer a little better each day.  I’ve joined a Pilates class for the first time ever and am feeling parts of my body I had forgotten about because of lack of use!

I’m a professional coffee drinker at many cafes and restaurants in the area and I’m becoming addicted to technology as I investigate the myriad of games available. Ironing is very neglected!

I’ve enjoyed family events and holidays throughout the summer and realise how lucky I am.  God has certainly blessed me in countless ways. I hope that having this disease has taught me more about generosity of spirit and caring for people.  I’ve been shown so much love and care by my family and friends since diagnosis.

And so I say thanks to you all for your prayers as a Mass is offered for your intentions and for those whom you love. May autumn be a ‘season of mists and mellow fruitfulness’ for you.

Pauline

40 love and hope

6.15pm on the second Friday of Wimbledon.

The men’s singles semi finals, Nadal v Federer, is on TV which I was watching with enthusiasm.

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The phone rang and resentfully I answered. Who could be disturbing my viewing of such a fabulous match?

To my great surprise it was my wonderful oncologist still busy on a Friday night.

I did tell him that an historic match was on TV. He said he had two screens open, one showing my recent body scan results and one with the match on.

He had good news for me once again and wanted to share it so that I would have a worry free weekend.

The scans showed no change compared with the ones taken in March which were clear, or as the hospital prefer to say, stable.

So once again I am Stable Mabel. 16 months after diagnosis I am doing okay.

When I feel down about having to take medication every day which tires me, I must and will remember to be grateful that it is working.

For how long I don’t know, but since I am trying to live a day at a time, I shouldn’t let this worry me.

This way of thinking isn’t always easy, but I’ll keep trying to live in the moment. And keep watching wonderful tennis played by superb athletes!

Once again, thank you for all the prayers and positive vibes.

I am indebted to you all.

Pauline

 

Renewed hope and the Holy Spirit

“They were all filled with the Holy Spirit…”

Today is a day of celebration for Christians since it is Pentecost Sunday, the birthday of the Church.

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The earliest Christians were inspired and filled with courage and determination by the Holy Spirit. They looked to the future with hope and confidence.

News of my last MRI scan came on Thursday and filled me with renewed hope.

My oncologist phoned to tell me that all was clear in my brain. Thankfully, nothing new was visible and treated brain mets were slowly decaying.

The cancer in the body is being kept under control by medication so I do indeed have much to give thanks for.

The Holy Spirit is working through the doctors to keep me well.

As I look forward to the rest of the summer I thank all those who continue to pray for me and wish me well.

I do believe prayer 🙏 is helping me and I am grateful for it.

Thank you.

Pauline

The green sprigs of hope

D02BC0E7-8B15-4271-A395-D9D4997F9C7DWe are enjoying beautiful weather this Eastertide. Fine days with warm sun.

But always in the background are sounds and signs of sadness – the bombings in Sri Lanka, a family devastated by the suicide of their father, the grief of a family whose daughter has died after a long battle with illness.

Our optimism and hope are so easily crushed.

But then, sitting outside, feeling the breeze and warm sunshine, I was captivated by a pair of robins nesting in the garden.

To and fro to the nest they went, obviously feeding babies. Their constancy and purposeful flight reminded me of both God’s care for us, never ending, and mankind’s care for one another, because there is much of it in the world if we look.

Easter is a time of renewal, of hope. Even at our saddest, even when we ask questions that can’t be answered, the green sprigs of hope somehow keep growing. The trees that surround us are bursting into life.

Renewal is all around us. May we also be renewed and strengthened in this season of resurrection.

Easter blessings to you all.

Positive news on a beautiful day

It’s a beautiful Spring day! Yesterday was a good news day for me and my family.

A reading from the Mass stated: “do not forget the things which your own eyes have seen, nor let them slip from your memory as long as you live” – things which reflect the infinite love of God.

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For me, these came in abundance on 27 March in the form of excellent news on the job front for two of my daughters, a candle lit for me in another European cathedral by someone I have never met, and positive results from scans taken 2 weeks ago.

CT scan of thorax and abdomen show no disease seen and no changes. Just evidence of stable bony disease. MRI scan also positive but with a hint of caution about a tiny area in left temporal lobe too small to be evaluated.

Suggest another scan in 10 weeks to be safe. All treated lesions are no longer visible. Naomi describes me as: “Stable Mabel,” which is good news. Medication is working well for me.

The tiredness I can cope with. I don’t mind cutting down on the housework. Any excuse to sit and read or play word games!

I hope I’m learning something from this stage in my life. I know that I’m loved, which is a precious thing. I hope that I return this love not only in my thoughts but also in my actions. I’m most grateful for the care I’m being given by NHS staff in every role.

May Easter be a hope-filled time for us all. May we also be beacons of goodness and generosity in a world where many people live without hope or are suffering.

Our love and generosity is repaid a thousand times, often without us realising it.

Thank you all 🙏

A year since I was diagnosed

A year ago today, 27 February 2018, in A&E I was told I had brain tumours and that they were secondaries.

As my first blog post said I didn’t want to speak about it. This was partly a result of shock but also my non acceptance of the situation.

12 months have passed. 4 full body scans, 4 brain scans, 2 lots of brain radiotherapy, 11 abdominal injections and 11 months of oral chemotherapy and I am still struggling to completely accept that I have incurable cancer.

Today even at my appointment I asked why it was incurable though I knew the answer. I was hoping for a contradiction.

I should be thankful that a year has passed and I have been able to carry on as normal. I keep reminding myself that there are hundreds of thousands of people who live with other incurable illnesses including family members, but they don’t wallow in their situation. They adapt to it and get on with life.

I have been saying the Serenity Prayer repeatedly to remind myself that acceptance together with courage and determination are the better part.

Once again I thank you all for your healing prayers and thoughts.  They will I am sure keep me strong and resolute. Here’s to another positive year!

Pauline