Category: Hope

Renewed hope and the Holy Spirit

“They were all filled with the Holy Spirit…”

Today is a day of celebration for Christians since it is Pentecost Sunday, the birthday of the Church.

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The earliest Christians were inspired and filled with courage and determination by the Holy Spirit. They looked to the future with hope and confidence.

News of my last MRI scan came on Thursday and filled me with renewed hope.

My oncologist phoned to tell me that all was clear in my brain. Thankfully, nothing new was visible and treated brain mets were slowly decaying.

The cancer in the body is being kept under control by medication so I do indeed have much to give thanks for.

The Holy Spirit is working through the doctors to keep me well.

As I look forward to the rest of the summer I thank all those who continue to pray for me and wish me well.

I do believe prayer 🙏 is helping me and I am grateful for it.

Thank you.

Pauline

The green sprigs of hope

D02BC0E7-8B15-4271-A395-D9D4997F9C7DWe are enjoying beautiful weather this Eastertide. Fine days with warm sun.

But always in the background are sounds and signs of sadness – the bombings in Sri Lanka, a family devastated by the suicide of their father, the grief of a family whose daughter has died after a long battle with illness.

Our optimism and hope are so easily crushed.

But then, sitting outside, feeling the breeze and warm sunshine, I was captivated by a pair of robins nesting in the garden.

To and fro to the nest they went, obviously feeding babies. Their constancy and purposeful flight reminded me of both God’s care for us, never ending, and mankind’s care for one another, because there is much of it in the world if we look.

Easter is a time of renewal, of hope. Even at our saddest, even when we ask questions that can’t be answered, the green sprigs of hope somehow keep growing. The trees that surround us are bursting into life.

Renewal is all around us. May we also be renewed and strengthened in this season of resurrection.

Easter blessings to you all.

Positive news on a beautiful day

It’s a beautiful Spring day! Yesterday was a good news day for me and my family.

A reading from the Mass stated: “do not forget the things which your own eyes have seen, nor let them slip from your memory as long as you live” – things which reflect the infinite love of God.

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For me, these came in abundance on 27 March in the form of excellent news on the job front for two of my daughters, a candle lit for me in another European cathedral by someone I have never met, and positive results from scans taken 2 weeks ago.

CT scan of thorax and abdomen show no disease seen and no changes. Just evidence of stable bony disease. MRI scan also positive but with a hint of caution about a tiny area in left temporal lobe too small to be evaluated.

Suggest another scan in 10 weeks to be safe. All treated lesions are no longer visible. Naomi describes me as: “Stable Mabel,” which is good news. Medication is working well for me.

The tiredness I can cope with. I don’t mind cutting down on the housework. Any excuse to sit and read or play word games!

I hope I’m learning something from this stage in my life. I know that I’m loved, which is a precious thing. I hope that I return this love not only in my thoughts but also in my actions. I’m most grateful for the care I’m being given by NHS staff in every role.

May Easter be a hope-filled time for us all. May we also be beacons of goodness and generosity in a world where many people live without hope or are suffering.

Our love and generosity is repaid a thousand times, often without us realising it.

Thank you all 🙏

A year since I was diagnosed

A year ago today, 27 February 2018, in A&E I was told I had brain tumours and that they were secondaries.

As my first blog post said I didn’t want to speak about it. This was partly a result of shock but also my non acceptance of the situation.

12 months have passed. 4 full body scans, 4 brain scans, 2 lots of brain radiotherapy, 11 abdominal injections and 11 months of oral chemotherapy and I am still struggling to completely accept that I have incurable cancer.

Today even at my appointment I asked why it was incurable though I knew the answer. I was hoping for a contradiction.

I should be thankful that a year has passed and I have been able to carry on as normal. I keep reminding myself that there are hundreds of thousands of people who live with other incurable illnesses including family members, but they don’t wallow in their situation. They adapt to it and get on with life.

I have been saying the Serenity Prayer repeatedly to remind myself that acceptance together with courage and determination are the better part.

Once again I thank you all for your healing prayers and thoughts.  They will I am sure keep me strong and resolute. Here’s to another positive year!

Pauline

May hope lighten any darkness in 2019

My eldest daughter, Ruth, has just shared a message with family speaking of hope.

She shared the following quotation: “Hope is being able to see that there is light in spite of all the darkness”.

In the Christmas readings from Isaiah we hear that “a light has come”.

I have just re-read the blog post I wrote on 7 March entitled ‘Green Day‘ in which I described how green became my dead son’s favourite colour at Christmas 1975.

A good friend spoke of him only last week as she brought flowers for his grave, something she has done every year at Christmas since he died more than 40 years ago.

She recalled what a great story teller he was even at 6 years old. We all remember the rat that ran across the garden dressed in a green coat! Such memories and loving actions are what provide the light in difficult times and fill us with hope. And there have been many such.

Since the beginning of March when I was diagnosed with secondary breast cancer and plunged into darkness,  many lights have shone in my direction and that of my family to give us direction and support.

Prayers have been offered for me at shrines and holy places all around Europe and Great Britain. These have motivated, comforted and strengthened not only me but also my family.

That hope, gifted to us by the coming of the Christ Child, is there for us all. I really did not think I would see another Christmas last Spring. I could ask whether I will see another but I will not. I will try to live in hope and grateful thanks each day.

May you all enjoy a happy and healthy New Year with your families and friends and feel as blessed as I do. May hope lighten any darkness that falls in 2019.

A happy and hope-filled New Year to you!

Better than I dared to dream

In today’s mass reading taken from Isaiah it says: “the Lord is the one in whom we hoped.” For me that has indeed been true over these last few months.

I hoped and prayed that the Lord would work healing through the professionals who’ve been treating me.

Today I saw the oncologist who had the results of my recent scans. They were better than I had dared to dream.

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The body scan states that what disease was there has now gone and nothing new has appeared. The conclusion is the only remaining disease is in the bones. This has always been described as ‘insignificant’.

The brain scan states there is further evidence of treatment response and no apparent new lesions.

I can’t quite believe it and it may take a while to absorb this good news. Treatment continues with daily oral chemotherapy and an injection monthly but I’m coping well with the regime and its side effects.

Thank you for your prayers and good wishes. I do appreciate how much these have helped me.  I hope you all enjoy a hope filled Christmas with your loved ones.

Blessings to you all and a happy Christmas.

Pauline

I will keep hope safe

These jottings of mine always seem to appear at a ‘crisis’ time and here I go again.

Tomorrow is scan day for both brain and body. It doesn’t seem three months ago since my last scans which showed quite positive results. Even so I’m still nervous imagining anything and everything.

I listened to Melvyn Bragg this morning as he discussed ‘hope’ with his academic guests. Not all philosophers believe that the concept of hope is a good thing, a productive idea.

Having been raised as a Christian I believe that hope is one of the important tenets of my faith. Aristotle believed that: “Hope is the dream of the waking man”.

Not particularly helpful to me. I need it to be more than that. Just now I hope that modern medicine and professional expertise are working together to keep me well for a while longer, but I have to be realistic enough to know that this might not be the case.

And here is where family and friends come in who believe in prayer. Please pray the Serenity prayer for me when you have a minute.

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When I have news at the beginning of December I shall post again. Until then I will keep hope safe.

Pauline

Rooted and grounded in love

It’s been a while since I posted but thankfully life has been been rather mundane and normal lately.

I’m managing treatments quite well and will have a three monthly CT scan late November and an MRI brain scan early December. I feel well, just tired some days but I’m not grumbling.

I was spurred on to post today by something that moved me as I was reading and meditating.

This quotation from Paul’s letter to the Ephesians really struck a chord.

“That you, rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, so that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.”  Eph 3

Being diagnosed with an incurable illness is in many ways like dealing with grief of the death of a loved one.

We go through similar stages as in grief – disbelief, shock, anger, denial, resentment until finally we accept and, though sad, we find peace.

Because we are grounded and rooted in love. Not only in the love of Christ, but also that of our family and friends, we find strength and peace to deal with the difficult situation.

God is always with us protecting, supporting, guarding and guiding.

So next time we meet and I seem morose and full of self pity, give me a nudge in the direction of this quotation.

Six months on

Just over six months have passed since I was diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer. It’s been a time of self learning and assessment.

To be honest I wasn’t always sure I would make it to this point even though the medics were of a different opinion.

One thing that was made clear recently is that I can’t be ‘cured’.  Like the contents of Pandora’s box, once opened/released, cancerous cells will travel wherever in the body. I’m only just getting my head round this fact.

However, the excellent treatment I’m being given is extending my life. It’s up to me to embrace this and use my time productively.

I’ve always been a last minute kind of girl and work better with a deadline looming. Should I now be more structured and timetable each day to get the most out of it?

Or should I just allow myself to be free to do whatever the moment suggests and enjoy it and those I come into contact with?

The adage “you can’t change the habits of a lifetime” comes to mind.

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Yesterday I was positive and full of possibilities. I felt the gentle hand of God calming me, bringing me peace.

Today, the doubts and fears are edging in again. Help me, Lord, to draw from you courage and tranquility, hope and acceptance. Teach me to embrace only positive vibes.

Help me to remember my good fortune.

“Hear the voice of my pleading as I cry for help,
as I lift up my hands in prayer to your holy place.” (Psalm 27)

I feel lucky

bristowe family2I must have some powerful, prayerful friends and family out there working overtime.

Today was my appointment with the oncologist. Though I didn’t expect it the CT scan results were back and were good news.

They showed that the cancer in the omentum had shrunk, the bone density in my spine had increased, and the MRI scan from last week’s radio surgery showed that all current brain lesions had disappeared or just left scarring.

To be told I was stable would have been a plus, but to be told that the cancer had shrunk was terrific!

I feel blessed. I feel lucky-lucky to have such a strong, knowledgeable team of NHS people fighting my corner, lucky to have been blessed with good health all my life which has made me strong,  lucky to have so many wonderful people praying for me every day, interceding with God. Definitely a “sunshiny day”.

I know that I’m still only at the beginning of my ‘cancer journey’, but some pot holes have been negotiated. Some have even been filled in.

I will do my best to keep strong and optimistic. I will try not to look too far ahead. I will hopefully get better at living with cancer without allowing it to dominate my life.

Blessings to all those diagnosed with a life-threatening illness. May their friends and family carry and support them as mine are supporting me.

Thank you 🙏